My last Friday working and the day the company sold were emotional, but not in the way I had expected.
While I will likely be somewhat involved with my company for several weeks to come, the last Friday of drawing salary before the company was to be sold on Sunday felt very much like a last day. In a post-COVID remote work world, there were nice Teams messages, emails and conference calls. I felt appreciated for my contributions. And then…the day was over.
Truth be told, the emotions surfaced throughout the week prior, with me shedding a some tears while discussing the change over dinner a few times. We also embarked on our “shakedown RV trip” the Tuesday prior, so things were logistically somewhat dynamic and this provided real-life glimpses of our future lifestyle, which was incredibly exciting.
Excitement and sadness were expected emotions, but the biggest emotional element was one I hadn’t realized would hit me so hard.
Relief
Every Friday afternoon I receive an email with an RSS news feed relating to our clients. I always hold my breath a little bit as I open the email, because although the coverage is usually simple and straightforward, sometimes it has been troublesome or it foretells instability for our world. And that last full time working Friday as I reflexively opened the email, I realized that whatever the news was, it wasn’t going to directly impact me. What a revelation! A wave of release washed over me. I’m not the one steering that ship any more and the company’s success or failure isn’t going to depend on decisions I make. .
It sounds a little silly that I hadn’t expected this emotion, but to a certain extent, I was so focused on the legal contracts / financial arrangements for the sale as well as handing off responsibilities that it wasn’t on my radar. Letting go of this idea was like setting down a weight I hadn’t realized I was carrying. Or perhaps a weight I had volunteered to carry, but it was a weight nonetheless. I hadn’t anticipated how impactful it would feel to set those responsibilities aside.
Certainly the company’s financial future is still tied to mine, as we hope revenues from the sale will help fund our retirement lifestyle. And I also care deeply about the continued well-being of the people who still work at the company, as well as our clients. I believe I’ve left them in excellent shape to move forward successfully, but it fundamentally isn’t up to me any more, and that’s very freeing.
Excitement
I realize I’m incredibly lucky to be moving into retirement with such adventurous plans ahead. While I have some typical “new retiree” fears about the unknown, as I faced my last full work day, I was sitting at a campsite making reservations for the coming months, planning to spend cherished time with friends and family or visiting wild places I’ve never seen before. And that’s certainly a recipe for being excited about what comes next.
Loss/Sadness
Well, I knew there would be some of this emotion. After all, work has been a big part of my identity for 35 years. I worked hard to build professional relationships with people I genuinely like, respect, and will miss. Paradoxically, even as it is a relief not to be in charge, I will also miss it. But these moments were fleeting. I let the tears come and my patient husband listened to how I was feeling, but we didn’t linger over sad stories or regrets. Overall, the story of my career is a very fortunate and happy one, for which I am grateful.
